Articles
Are You a People Pleaser?
Do you see yourself always aiming to please, looking after everyone else but yourself?
When I was growing up I was one of those people who always worried about what others thought and was the typical people pleaser putting others before me. I grew up in an age where women took care of everything and everybody. Martha Beck, author and life coach says “every woman in the country is socialized to act like a doormat. It doesn’t have to be that way!” I spent a lot of time and energy just wanting to be liked and not wanting to hurt anyone. I lost my own uniqueness and felt empty and unhappy. Here are a few strategies that I learned over the years to finally cure the dreaded disease to please.
Learn to say “No”. This is one of the most important lessons I learned and difficult at first knowing that there would be a few angry folks at me as I forged my way upsetting the apple cart while exercising my right to say no. It is critical that you be honest and direct without over explaining or defending yourself. Deliver your response with love and respect and always be clear to ensure that what you are conveying is understood as saying no.
Set boundaries. One of the best things we can do for ourselves is to set up strong boundaries. This shows the universe that you are standing up for yourself. Stay strong and don’t give into added pressure. Don’t allow yourself to be the doormat.
Obligation. How many times have you given in to saying yes out of obligation to a boss, family or friend? We can’t please everyone and do everything. It leaves you frustrated, feeling guilty and unhappy. You are draining your own power while you conform to their influence. The best advice I ever received was to first ask these two simple questions: What will happen if I don’t do this? Is this for me or them? It is not a selfish act to put yourself first and consider your own needs.
Take time. Take time for yourself and your needs. When you love yourself and take care of yourself then you are in a better position to take care of others. In addition, don’t commit or say “yes” without first taking the time to evaluate if this best serves you. Politely say “I will have to think about this and get back to you.”
Practice. The old adage, practice makes perfect stands true! Stand in front of mirror and start practicing saying the word no. Once you get used to hearing yourself saying no the easier it will be for you to say it.
I sit here now writing this many years later finally free; content and secure in my own identity. I am happy with who I am. I learned again to love myself and give my love to others. I let go of the fear and the need to be liked and definitely don’t need to seek anyone’s approval. You can take on the attitude that if someone unhappy with you, then deal with it, accept it and move on! Spirit will give you what you need and when you need it. You create your own life and experiences. Be the best you can be and live your life with joy and contentment as Spirit has intended for you.
